All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. ~Aristotle
Let's get everything straight at the beginning of this book. I am the extremely smart money guru that you've been looking for, but haven't found. This is the book which will solve all your financial problems.
The reason this book will be extremely successful and solve the financial problems of the world is because it is based upon two points of ancient wisdom.1. Everyone wants to be rich.
As far as you know, my name is David Moneylicious. I probably have an MBA in Finance from Harvard or one of the other Ivy League schools and according to my own biographical record I am worth more than $5 billion.Pretty impressive, right? You may be wondering why I'm not more famous.
It's simple. I'm not well known because I haven't done any infomercials (yet) or been arrested for a huge Ponzi scheme (yet).
But, I assure you I am the real deal. If you don't believe me, then read the dust jacket to this book and listen to those people who speak for me. Those are real quotes, as far as you know. Heck, 95% of you who buy this book won't make it this far into the introduction anyway, so as long as the cover looks good, you'll be satisfied with my credentials. And I assure you, the cover will look good. That's my bread and butter, baby.Now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about why I wrote the book.
This is the place where other authors lay some heavy story on you about wanting to help people. Yeah, well, me too. So just put me down for that. But, another reason I wrote this book, is because I too longed for a way to sit on the beach while huge sums of money roll into my bank account.
I'd seen all those books which said, “Buy Stocks, Get Rich” or
“Sell Real Estate, Get Rich” or even “Get Out of Bed, Get
Rich”. They were all very complicated.
Then, one day while attempting to hang a clock on the wall in the bathroom, I slipped and bumped my head on the toilet. Just as I lost consciousness I had huge epiphany. Great Scott! Do Nothing, Get Rich! What a perfect plan.
First of all, with those other books, the authors actually expect you to read the book. In contrast, I hope you don't read Do Nothing, Get Rich. Instead, I would much prefer you skim it and throw it on your desk in a public place. Or, don't even skim it. Just throw it on your desk. Just make sure other people see it so they will be compelled to buy it too.Besides, if you don't read it, you'll end up being a much better spokesperson for the book.
“Oh, yes, I read it and it's great. It has changed
my financial life. No, wait, it did more than
change my financial life, it actually changed my
entire being. I was nothing before, but now I am
Additionally, since you do not want to look like an ignorant bumpkin who buys books and never reads them you must employ the technique that is used by 95% of the people who say they have read a particular book: lie.
Start chatting up the people around you about Do Nothing, Get Rich (DNGR) immediately. That way they'll know you are an extremely intelligent person who reads books. Do not be resistant to this idea. I'm only trying to help you.
Carry the book everywhere you go. When someone attempts to pass you on the street or in the office hallway, shove it into the person's face and say something like,
"Are you rich? Well, judging by your clothes and haircut I'm going to have say no. That's why you need to read this fantastic book, Do Nothing, Get Rich."
If the person doesn't assault you or have you arrested, offer them the Amazon.com link to the book. Now you can go on your merry way knowing you have helped someone.
If you've bought the Kindle version it is going to be a bit
difficult for you to shove DNGR into people's faces without
them slobbering all of your touch-screen. Plus, the Kindle or
other eBook device turns off and people won't be able to easily
see the cover all the time. That is unfortunate, because we
want everyone to have the book's cover burned into their
retinas so that even when they close their eyes they cannot stop
thinking about it. This will ultimately cause you to become
extremely rich. Maybe.
This all means that you face an additional challenge. However, since you have the digital version of the book it is obvious you are an advanced Master of Technology. You'll have no trouble getting online and buying DNGR products. Let's do that now. Follow the steps in the next section to learn how to get your official DNGR merchandise.
To help promote you and further increase your riches I have created all manner of products with the DNGR cover on them. Now, whether you're sipping your coffee, using your iPhone to contact your parole officer or just standing on the corner panhandling everyone will know you are a Do-Nothing.
Just point your web browser at :
http://www.zazzle.com/DoNothingGetRich and you can buy all of your official DNGR merchandise.
Once you have your copy of DNGR and/or official merchandise you need to get out and let other people know how much you enjoyed reading my book. Tell them you learned more from this book than any other book you've ever read. That just makes you look smarter. You found the book and you read the book (as far as they know).
And now (as far as they know) you have all the knowledge that is in the book. You see how this works? You look smarter to your circle of influence and we build buzz about this great, lifechanging book. That's synergy. Do you see how well this book works? You probably didn't know when you rolled out of bed today (if you did), that you'd be using synergy, but here you are synergizing like crazy. Is this book amazing or what?
Now you're on the inside of financial literature. This is exactly what Norman, the self-proclaimed financial genius at the office, is doing with those books he's always carrying under his arm. Rich Dad, Poor Dad indeed!
Why fool ourselves into thinking that you will actually read my book? Instead, go ahead and lie* this book...uh...lay it on your desk and forget about it. Later, your boss will happen by, notice you're brushing up on current economic theories and give you a promotion and a raise. It could happen. It's possible. It is also entirely possible that you'll be struck by a meteorite today, but let's not talk about that.*Note: I really don't like the word lie used in conjunction with my financial advice.
Do Nothing, Get Rich ? That is totally cool. You''ll be the envy of all your friends (if you have any) as they see you with my book and ask,
Maybe you'll be sitting around your unfurnished apartment,
eating your dinner of Three-Cheese Doritos and sipping a can
of Faygo Moon Mist*, when the phone rings and changes your life.
§ When you click on the live links in this book and buy the associated products you promote yourself and support the Do-Nothing cause. More about this later.
Maybe you'll inherit $100 million from a distant uncle who owns 700,000 shares of Google and recently dropped dead. I don't know. But, here's the best deal. You don't have to do anything. Nothing. That's the real American way, isn't it?
Old glory is waving for you.
You are following the American Dream of doing nothing and getting rich. You are a true American.
This book was written by an American on American soil while breathing the free air of America freely. When you support this book you support America and you are a Patriot of the highest order. I salute you.
I know, I know. All you mature* people out there are thinking, “That's not the American way. The American way is working hard and succeeding.”That is so yesterday, okay? Get over it, Grandpa!
This is the Internet-Age and things have changed. The American way is about sitting on your butt, surfing the web and doing nothing more strenuous than clicking your mouse button. Maybe you finally bum some money on the corner so you can buy a lottery ticket so you'll hit it big.
That's right, one day you're standing on the corner pan-handling and the next day << Bam! >> your numbers come up on the Powerball and you're the next Multi-Millionaire with $50 million in the bank and the red Lamborghini in the garage. Hey, it happens. Why not you?It probably won't happen to you, but maybe.
Just remember, if it does happen, you need to mention this book, because then other people will believe DNGR had something to do with it and they will all flock to the bookstore and buy their own non-refundable copies of the book. This is another great example of how this book generates synergy. Freaking amazing, isn't it?*mature – Kinder, gentler way of saying old
Let's take a look at this mathematically. Consider the millions of readers who've bought all of those other best-selling Get Rich books. They've bought the books and read them, studied the ideas and followed the plans closely and still very few of them (if any) have become rich. That's the real scam.
Think about all of those financial gurus out there with books. They do the talk show circuit and for a while they are superstars. Millions of people buy their books and then, nothing. Those poor pitiful readers waste their time reading the books, filling their minds with useless facts, doing the work and still... nothing.
At least with my book, when you're done, if you don't get rich you won't have any regrets about your wasted time. Instead you can preserve your precious energy for the important stuff, like popping the top on another can of generic soda or finally clipping your toe-nails in case company shows up this month.However, don't be deceived by the simplicity of my plan. DNGR does provide cutting edge information.
1. Invest your money in <blank> (you need money for that)
2. Buy real estate foreclosures (way too much work)
3. Start your own company (right!)
My philosophy is based upon an extremely simple 2-Step Plan. Yes, I know, on the cover I tell you there are zero steps to my plan. But I had to tell you that out there or you wouldn't have even picked up my book. Welcome to the world of grown-ups. That's the way the big-boy world works, okay? Sometimes things aren't what they seem. Get over it and move on.
I know that might have sounded harsh, but that is the valuable kind of straight-talk I offer in this book which will ultimately make your net worth grow. Now, dry up those tears and take a look at my easy two-step plan.
A. Buy multiple copies of Do Nothing, Get Rich. Any money you collect should be used to buy more copies of Do Nothing, Get Rich so you can give them to others. This is how we help other people. This is a very spiritual endeavor and it will fix you.2. Tell Everyone About DNGR (so they can buy their own non-refundable copy).
So what are you sitting around your dump reading this tripe for? Get out there and start collecting bottles or cans or whatever and scrape some nickels together. Remember, there is no shame in pan-handling if you are thinking about your future and you are wearing your official DNGR gear. You need to buy more copies of this book. It's extremely important to your financial future. Hey, remember, I just want to help people.
Well, here's the deal. To really understand this book, you need to purchase your own copy. Get online and purchase a nonrefundable copy immediately. If you don't have Internet service or your power has been turned off, get out of your shack and down to your local book store and bag one.
Okay, so you don't own a car and the bookstore is quite far from where you live. Don't let these little things stop you. Your city has public transit don't they? Your mother has a car, doesn't she? Come on, Lame-Oh! Once you've bought a nonrefundable copy of the book, you'll really get it. The information will come alive to you.
Once you've purchased your own copy you'll be able to write in the book and highlight special sections. Also, riffling the pages of the new copy of the book is very important. Any used copies have most likely already been riffled far too much to provide you the full benefits of a new copy.
Remember, this whole Do-Nothing Concept may not be for everyone. There are some losers out there who just can't grasp the concept of Do Nothing.You're not one of those losers are you?
I hope not. I thought your momma raised you better than that. Can you feel something turning within yourself now. No, I'm not talking about the bean burrito you had for lunch. I'm talking about the motivation to get rich. Right? Right, I knew it. You're the kind of genius who knows how these things work. Great. Okay, stop here and go get your non-refundable copy of DNGR.
Now that you have your purcahsed copy of the book you're ready to follow a couple of steps which will put you on the DoNothing Path.
1. Sit down and take a few cleansing breaths.
2. Close the book.
Yes, close the book. You really don't need to read more. Now that you've purchased the book, I sense that you are one of the accelerated learners.
Go ahead, close the book and take a nap or take your weekly shower. Your water is still on, right? Even if power company has turned off your electric you can still heat some water over a fire and take a hot bath. If your not convinced and you are still reading I understand. Let me explain why doing nothing is really in your best interest.
Let's face it, if you're reading this book (or any other financial guide) then you're not the sharpest tool in the shed anyway, right? I mean you can't even figure out how to manage your own money.
So it's probably best if you don't do anything. Anything you set out to do would probably just be a failure anyway. And, it's not at all impossible that you would create a complete disaster. So, go ahead, sit back and relax knowing that you are actually helping the world by doing nothing.
Maybe later, after a box of Little Debbie Nutty Bar snacks and a long nap you might want to continue in Chapter 1. You can buy your Nutty Bar snacks by clicking the following link:
When you click the link and buy your Little Debbie Nutty Bar snacks at Amazon.com you still pay the great low price that Amazon.com offers and I make a small profit. I offer this as yet another service to help people.
I'm sure that by now you are totally convinced that the Do Nothing Way is your path to riches beyond your wildest dreams.
Next, in Chapter 1, I will teach you all about cash, but there is no need to read it. If you were to read the next chapter you'd continue to experience my genius as I explain the world monetary system in terms that heretofore have never been used.
Heretofore? That's right. This is just more proof that I am obviously a Genius Author and recipient of an expensive Financial degree from an Ivy League school.